i hate him (yet i still like him...)
how i absolutely HATE him. i know he thinks of it as ood ol fashioned joking...but why does he have to make me inis or humiliate me in front of friends all the time, every chance he gets? even the littlest things i do, like getting something to eat, for crying out loud, he just HAS to react in some sarcastic and kakainis way??? it used to make me happy, having his attention all the time. since he makes jokes about me, then that must mean he notices me right? but shit, this time maybe its gone just a bit too far. its one thing to make jokes and shit, but when its done all the time...it gets old and IRRITATING... what the hell is wrong with this guy? have i made him lait too much? i never even do that in front of other people. i make jokes about him only when we're texting...only when it's the two of us.
i hate him...he irritates me, he makes me wanna scream out loud cause of frsutration!!! but darnit, i frustrate myself. cause he still makes me smile. even just the thought of him makes my heart skop a beat. in some weird, masochistic way, im still just a tad bit glad he makes fun of me cause that still means he notices me in some way... i still enjoy his company, he still makes me laugh even at myself. and maybe him making fun of me is a good excuse for me to beat him up, make him kurot, or slap him on the leg. so maybe i shouldnt even be asking myself what the hell's wrong with him. maybe i should be asking MYSELF what's wrong with me for putting up with this so called friend (who i wanna be lovers with...) of mine...why at the end of the day, even when he irritates me so, i still wake up liking him. i still wake up wishing he'd notice me today. half hoping this time he wont just make fun of me...im stupid. that's it. thats the only plausible explanation.
or maybe, im just in love.
a medical prof once told us in his lectures, something about love making someone stupid. so maybe that's it. im not stupid after all. i am just in love. with a guy i wanna pound to the ground.
i am stupid then. cause i am in love with a guy i hate.
